Nova's X-TREME trip to the East Stadium Challenge Thursday: Cutesy merchandise
It was an unpredictable day when I left to visit the stadium challenge. I was throwing myself headlong into a situation which I had no possible control over, with people I barely knew (if at all), and even then, only by the good graces of my friend JDGloom. And he was all I would have to fall back on if I screwed everything up. So it was a feeling of nervous anticipation which accompanied me to New Jersey, along with the more corporeal Gloom and his father.
After a thirteen-hour drive with a stop in Vermont to pick up a rowing machine, we finally arrived at the hotel. It was great, for what it cost, and more importantly, it was close to everything we needed. We were really hungry and ready to eat, so we looked into places to eat. Gloomís father suggested Chi Chiís.
"Oh no you donít," Gloom replied testily, "I donít want to eat at Chi Chiís, or Houlihanís, or any other place that likes to put a bunch of cutesy merchandise on the walls. Letís go to the Sizzler."
Closed. As were a few other places we tried. We ended up going to the Holiday Inn and eating in the pub in there. We got back to the hotel, and Gloom and his dad, who had gotten about three hours of sleep combined, looked ready to collapse on the bed.
"One minute," Gloom said, obviously struggling to stay upright, "I gotta call Pure. I said I would."
So he got Ech on the horn, and I couldnít help laughing. I could practically taste the disappointment in Gloomís voice as Ech made suggestions I couldnít hear.
"Oh. Youíre eating dinner. And you want us to come see you. And youíre in Chi Chiís. *sigh* All right, weíll be right over. Hang on a second, Ech. [Away from phone] Nova! Shut up! Itís not funny!"
So we went to Chi Chiís and I got a chance to meet Ech, Pure, Vash, DMTM, and Sensei (Some of them for the second time. But they all had something in common: No one remembered who the heck I was. Except Purity, but I think she only knew because Gloom had told her. And Ech just forgot. Figures.). We sat around talking for an hour or so, and I couldnít help but be impressed by these people. The faceless internet personalities I had heard about and spoken to were real people. I could already tell that they were fully deserving of my greatest respect and admiration, despite only having known them for an hour. I was taken aback, to say the least. I hadnít expected to be impressed by these people at least until the next day.
Friday part 1: Egg-sucker!
The time to meet everyone in the lobby had been pushed from eleven to nine, so I made it a six thirty morning. I like nothing more than a six thirty morning. I spent a soon-to-be customary half hour waiting for Gloom and his dad to wake up, grabbed breakfast, and made it over to the Crown Plaza with at least seven or eight seconds to spare. And that included getting lost.
In the lobby we found DMTM, and a guy who introduced himself as Mike. There was an interesting conversation about modified, team format, and professor stuff, before we realized that it was nine thirty, and we had been sitting waiting for half an hour. As if on cue, DMTMís phone rang to tell us all that Pure, Ech, and Sensei were lost, and would be there in a few minutes. That gave us enough time to watch in amazement as Gloom first-turned MTM on a total fluke before we hopped on the bus to New York City.
What happened next was one of the most confusing whirlwind tours Iíve ever experienced. We took a subway somewhere, walked down a bunch of streets, and somehow ended up at the Pokemon Center. I took advantage of the situation to let Gloom convince me to buy some counters and a Clefable model. Gloom also invested in a Pokemon mini, and everyone else bought a big stack of stuff which I was not, sadly, authorized to root through.
After that, we had a choice of going to Toys R Us, or going to Chinatown. Possibly at the insistence of as few as one person, we went to Chinatown, where we entered the restaurant nearest the subway exit and got lunch.
Lunch, as it turned out, was one of the defining moments of my youth. And not one of the good ones. One of those ones that makes therapists a lot of money.
I had baby shrimp and fried rice. It was great. I was the only one at the table who finished my meal.
The really inspirational part was MTMs dish. He ordered beef in egg sauce. It sounded innocent enough.
What he got was beef covered in a disgusting, runny, yellow, raw-looking, only marginally egg-looking sauce-type substance. I canít even call it sauce. It was the most sickening thing Iíve ever seen put on a plate and proclaimed food.
Everyone had a good laugh. Before the nausea set in.
He tried it, and said it just tasted like egg. At this point, I think it occurred to him that since the meal grossed the rest of us out, and it tasted just fine to him, he could use it to really disgust everyone. Thatís when he asked for a straw.
The noise of raw-looking egg being sucked through a straw has haunted my nightmares ever since. I think I was mentally scarred.
Suddenly, MTMs eyes lit up and he let out an explosive gasp. He hurriedly grabbed his bag and rooted through it urgently. I waited with baited breath to see what he would produce. Perhaps some minor explosives to blast the meal to where it could never harm the good people of the planet Earth again?
No such luck, I was disappointed to realize as he pulled out a Personal Digital Assistant. I wondered what note could possibly be so urgent that he would have to take it in the middle of lunch. It turns out that he had had arguably the best idea of the day.
His PDA had a record function. He recorded the noise of himself sucking runny egg sauce for the entire world to hear, while they were busy browsing the pictures that Purity took of the plate (avec and sans straw). They assured everyone that they were going on the internet.
I have never seen a look of such pure, childish glee to compare to the look on Mikeís face when he heard the playback. Egg-sucking jokes were enjoyed by all. Not just for the rest of the day. Not just for the rest of the weekend. But probably for the rest of time.
By this point it was about one oíclock, and the Master Trainers had to be back by two to help set up, so Purity swung her arm in an all-encompassing circle, explaining "This is Chinatown," so that we could all legitimately say that we saw it. Then we left.
We spent an hour trying to find the right bus back to Secaucus. It was two oíclock, and we were already late. By the time we realized we had actually gotten on the wrong bus, despite the efforts of everyone combined, it was two twenty.
I thought everyone handled it well, all considered. We called to see if someone from Wizards would pick us up and give us a ride back to the Crown Plaza. The really great part came when the car pulled up.
Ech and Pure had taken a different train. That left Gloom, MTM, DMTM, Sensei, and myself, plus the Wizards guy who came to pick us up, Kieren. We took a quick count. Five seats. One short.
DMTM got the front. Gloom and MTM threw themselves into the back before me or Sensei got a shot at it. I got in next, and checked my right side for clearance. There was about six inches for Sensei to jam himself in and close the door.
To make a long story short (I still donít know how that accursed door got closed.), Sensei ended up half on my lap and half out the window. I tried to keep him from falling out with an arm, but I donít know if I would have been able to hold him if we took a corner too sharply.
Sensei [to Nova]: Are you all right?
Nova: Me? Donít worry about me. Just act casual.
So Sensei, following my sensible instruction, stuck his arm out the window. Just like all the drivers who have been doing it so long they donít need two hands anymore. And it worked. He looked so casual I thought about ripping a seat out of my car just so I could ride like that. It looked like he hung out of doors all the time. It just looked so cool, I vowed then and there never to ride fully inside of a car ever again. Even in winter. Even in Canada.
Friday part 2: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!?!
Later that night, we all collected ourselves from various corners of New Jersey (Jay and Silent Bobís Secret Stash was closed, if youíre wondering. And it will be for the rest of the week.) to all go to dinner somewhere. We it was decided that weíd try a place called Gasho, a Japanese steakhouse. I was assured by all that it was quite entertaining. I admit that I had seen the chefs doing cool things while cooking on TV, so I was ready to believe it.
I think the actual show ended up hitting Gloom harder than it hit me. Pure and DMTM thought it was great, Ech was too busy irritating me to watch, Vash seemed pretty neutral, Sensei was having his first experience with Sake, and MTM was distracted by the cool Buddha mug he had just purchased.
Our chef greeted us with a traditional "Hi." He then moved on to a more newfangled "Wazzap?" Seeming to grow bored with this almost immediately, he moved on to "What are you doing?" For the martians or foreigners among us, this is a reference to two different Budweiser commercials, both of which involved the characters screaming the phrase in question at each other over and over again. I thought it was a great bit. I also thought any idiot couldíve done it and still gotten a laugh. I was unfortunate enough to be wrong. First time in recent memory. But of all the times I had to be wrong, Iím sorely disappointed it turned out to be this one.
The bulk of the conversation between our party and the chef went like this:
Chef: Hi!
Everyone: Hi!
Chef: [Big grin] Wazzap?
Everyone: [Smile and laugh politely (sadly for the chef, we had heard this same phrase echoing through the rest of the restaurant, from the rest of the chefs, during our wait. Which is to say, it was already a little old.)]
Chef: What are you doing?
Everyone: [Smile and laugh. With a little less enthusiasm.]
Chef: [Pouring oil on giant pan] Baby oil! Johnson and Johnson!
Everyone: *Giggle*
Chef: [Pokes two peas into a mound of rice to look like a face.] Wazzap! [points the mound to point to the people seated at the other end of the table] What are you doing?
Everyone: Ö
Chef: Wazzap?
Gloom: You suck!
Chef: [flipping a bowl neatly onto the top of his hat] Three point!
Nova: What?
Chef across the room: Wazzap!
Chef: [screaming at other chef] You stole my line! What are you doing?
Gloom: [to Nova] Itís all the deliciousness of Japanese cuisine seamlessly combined with the fun of getting screamed at.
Nova: Ha!
Chef: [flipping a shrimp into Novaís bowl] Three point! Wazzap?
It kind of continued like that. By this point in the trip, Iím already having the time of my life, and I havenít played a single game of Pokemon cards. How would actual play impact?
I found out at a spontaneous draft later that night, which was amazingly fun for a number of reasons, not the least of which was beating Ech, who was really starting to grate on my nerves. That didn't stop him from bugging me, though. Oh, how it didnít. I think Iíve found a new arch nemesis. Move over, Gloom!
Saturday: Nova: The Stadium Challengeís Official Head Bee Guy
We meandered into the exhibition hall at about eleven. Ech immediately told us how much he had missed us. Then I think he slapped Gloom for no reason. I probably laughed.
I couldnít help but notice the snazzy staff shirts that Pure and Ech were already wearing, despite their having said that they were going to play instead of work. I shrugged. They were really nice shirts. I could understand that.
Gloom and I browsed through the vendors available, and were kind of disappointed at the selection. There would be no electroflips for little Dooley, no dragon shields for little Frank. After a while, Ech grabbed Gloom by the collar and told him heíd get the two of us staff shirts if we did some reporting for Wizards. We agreed, but MTM, who already looked like heíd had enough stress for one day (and it was only half over), told us he didnít think there were any left. Heíd try to get us shirts, he said, if we did really good reporting. We interviewed a few people, but were eventually distracted by the deck Purity was building at the time. So Gloom and I lent a suggestion or two, a card or three, and then the real defining moment of my youth occurred. I didnít know how it was going to top the egg sauce, but it did.
Master Trainer Mike flew by me from behind, grabbing my arm as he passed. I barely managed to grab Gloom as I tore after him. I could tell it was important, whatever it was.
He pointed at a laptop on the ground. "I will guarantee you guys staff shirts if you make sure no one touches my computer."
I nodded. I could handle that. "Is that guy squatting in front of it supposed to be reading it?"
He was already running away. "No!" he yelled back.
Gloom caught up with me around then. I explained our newfound quest to him.
"So we watch the computer. I can handle that. Is that guy supposed to be looking at it?"
I looked at him with scorn. "No. Duh. See, thatís why Mike made me the head bee guy."
It was just the Wizards site on the screen, but he was looking really hard at it, almost as if he thought that if he looked at it long and hard enough, it would turn into MTMís secret plans for the future of Pokemon. He was wrong. That, and the fact that we were talking about jumping him if he tried anything funny about two feet behind him eventually combined to make the guy leave. We watched the computer like hawks until MTM came back. He handed us the shirts and thanked us. Then he packed up his computer, still looking stressed. I could sympathize. I know how hard it is running a tournament all by yourself. And mine was just at my league.
Iím still proud of that shirt. Itís the first time Iíve really been ëStaffí. Thereís something about being Staff that makes you walk a little taller, hold your head a little higher. Push people around a little harder. You know, Staff stuff. I spent the rest of the day, night, and most of the next day as staff. And it was the best few hours of my life.
We never ended up playing in the Professor draft, despite my hours and hours of trying to pass that test. We did start a Zeo draft, which I got booted from second round. Pulled a light dragonite, though, so good for me.
Later that night, Ech wanted deck lists from the Professor top eight, so he told me to go grab ten pencils from the registration table so they could write them down themselves. I ran and got them, but when I got back, he had already gotten eight pencils from someone else. I was kind of offended. Later that night, he handed me two pencils, with the solemn words "Here you go, Nova. Enjoy." I thought it was really nice of him, and I felt that it would be a good thing to be nice back to him. So I kept the two he gave me, and dropped the ten he had requested earlier in his coat pocket, while he was wearing it, without his noticing. This really freaked him out later on, when I told him. And after he found out it was me, I slipped a few more pencils in his pocket, also without his noticing. Just for fun. Gloom challenged me to get eight pencils in his pocket before the night was over. He cheated by taking it off and not putting it back on. He claimed that he ëdidnít want to wear a jacket indoorsí. I still say heís a cheater. And a poor loser.
We hung around in the stadium till nine or so, when the professors finished and Pure and Ech could go to dinner. I said goodbye to MTM and DMTM, honestly two of the coolest guys I have ever met. We went to the Sizzler. It was good. Yum. A couple of people got all the shrimp they could eat, which almost ended up being all the shrimp I could eat, but we left before I got a chance. Outside, Ech called me several times before I looked up.
Ech: [Eyes wide, child-like grin] What are you doing?
*Ech flips a shrimp Chef-style at Nova. Well, sort of. Shrimp sails off course and smacks JDGloom right in the forehead*
Nova: Ha ha!
Gloom: What the heck just hit me in the forehead?
Then, we eventually made it to DMTMís room, where we waited for a small draft to finish so that Pure, Ech, Gloom, and DMTM could play their much anticipated team game. Purity presented everyone playing with shirts commemorating the event, and they got started. Ech was hilariously knocked out second turn, leaving him wide open for fun-making by Gloom. Gloomís shining raichu sadly never saw the light of day (the whole point of the game was to demonstrate the effectiveness of shining raichu). Gloom won with some fancy footwork, trainer denial, and a lot of luck.
I bid farewell to everyone with a tear in my eye. Well, more of a metaphorical tear. Iíd grown to really like these people in so short a time. It was sad to have to leave. Not to mention that the weekend that had just passed was the most fun Iíve had in my entire life.
The last words Ech said to me were "I win." The last words I said to him were "This is not over."
sir0rion@yahoo.com
AIM: Nova GAT
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