Thank goodness for church gentlemen & ladies with
typewriters.These sentences actually appeared in
a church bulletin or were announced in a church
service:

Bertha Belch, a missionary from Africa will be
speaking tonight at Calvary Memorial Church in
Racine. Come tonight and hear Bertha Belch all
the way from Africa.

Our youth basketball team is back in action
Wednesday at 8 PM in the recreation hall. Come
out and watch us kill Christ the King.

"Ladies, don't forget the rummage sale. It's a
chance to get rid of those things not worth
keeping around the house. Don't forget your
husbands."

The peacemaking meeting scheduled for today has
been canceled due to a conflict.

The sermon this morning: "Jesus Walks on the
Water" The sermon tonight: "Searching for Jesus"

Next Thursday there will be tryouts for the
choir. They need all the help they can get.

Barbara remains in the hospital and needs blood
donors for more transfusions. She is also having
trouble sleeping and requests tapes of Pastor
Jack's sermons.

The Rector will preach his farewell message after
which the choir will sing "Break Forth into Joy."

Remember in prayer the many who are sick of our
community. Don't let worry kill you off-let the
Church help.

A bean supper will be held on Tuesday evening in
the church hall. Music will follow.

At the evening service tonight, the sermon topic
will be "What is Hell?" Come early and listen to
our choir practice.

Eight new choir robes are currently needed, due
to the addition of several new members and to the
deterioration of some older ones.

The senior choir invites any member of the
congregation who enjoys sinning to join the
choir.

The Lutheran men's group will meet at 6 P.M.
Steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, bread and
dessert will be served for a nominal feel.

For those of you who have children and don't know
it, we have a nursery downstairs.

Attend and you will hear an excellent speaker and
heave a healthy lunch.

The church will host an evening of fine dining,
superb entertainment, and gracious hostility.

Potluck supper Sunday at 5:00 P.M..-prayer and
medication to follow.

The ladies of the Church have cast off clothing
of every kind. They may be seen in the basement
on Friday afternoon.

This evening at 7 P.M. there will be a hymn sing
in the park across from the Church. Bring a
blanket and come prepared to sin.

Ladies Bible Study will be held Thursday morning
at 10. All ladies are invited to lunch in the
Fellowship Hall after the B.S. is done.

The pastor would appreciate it if the ladies of
the congregation would lend him their electric
girdles for the pancake breakfast next Sunday
morning.

Low Self Esteem Support Group will meet Thursday
at 7 PM. Please use the back door.

The eighth-graders will be presenting
Shakespeare's Hamlet in the Church basement
Friday at 7 PM. The Congregation is invited to
attend this tragedy.

Weight Watchers will meet at 7 PM at the First
Presbyterian Church. Please use large double door
at the side entrance.

Mrs. Johnson will be entering the hospital this
week for testes.

The Associate Minister unveiled the church's new
tithing campaign slogan last Sunday:"I Upped My
Pledge - Up Yours."

Our next song is "Angels We Have Heard Get High